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After a selfish, irresponsible, 18 year old’s father is framed and she is given his hyper- intelligent OCD son (11) to look after, she must fool Social Services into believing she is responsible enough to care for the boy, or outwit a crime syndicate into negotiating her father?s release before the boy is removed from her care.
When her father is imprisoned, an irresponsible 18-year old motherless girl must learn how to support and raise her hyper-intelligent but OCD younger brother. (24 words)Awkward, but it seems to me that this is the story hook, and a logline should lead with and focus on the story hook.? By story hookRead more
When her father is imprisoned, an irresponsible 18-year old motherless girl must learn how to support and raise her hyper-intelligent but OCD younger brother.
(24 words)
Awkward, but it seems to me that this is the story hook, and a logline should lead with and focus on the story hook.? By story hook I mean that it is the factor most likely to “hook” a? movie maker’s attention, make him want to read the script.
Why do I think it is the story hook?? Because it is simply the more emotionally charged story line.? Two young people must struggle together to survive in a tough world by their own wits.? “Outwit a crime syndicate into negotiating her father?s release ” — whatever that means — seems pale in comparison;? in terms of emotional engagement, I think it’s a side show.
In addition, taking care of her brother is the more compatible story line for working out her character arc.? She’s describe as “selfish, irresponsible”– character flaws she will more directly and intensely have to confront and overcome in her relationship with her brother than in any dealings with a crime syndicate. (Come to think about it, what character flaw would she have to overcome to deal with bad guys?)
fwiw
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Too much vagueness in the logline? (a "troubleshooter" what's that? Sounds like an IT guy). Don't hide the secret from the logline reader and then the "shoot" portion brings more confusion. Remember that a logline is mainly for some Hollywood big shot that has millions of dollars in the bank and isRead more
Too much vagueness in the logline? (a “troubleshooter” what’s that? Sounds like an IT guy). Don’t hide the secret from the logline reader and then the “shoot” portion brings more confusion.
Remember that a logline is mainly for some Hollywood big shot that has millions of dollars in the bank and is waiting for the perfect story to come across his table to read and pump money into for production. Ask yourself, when he reads your logline, will it make him salivate and yell “LET ME SEE THE SCRIPT!” or will it make him scratch his head and go back to his lunch? On a lesser scale, would telling your best friend what a movie is about in that logline sentence make them want to rush to the theater? Take the mystery out of the logline and be enticing and direct. Just my two cents.
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