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  1. Posted: December 7, 2017In: Comedy

    When a young woman falls in love with a pet shop worker, she must escape her animal cult family.

    etatsecond Logliner
    Added an answer on May 19, 2018 at 8:02 am

    it sounds great a comedy about that, but the cult is a group of people who kill animals? or people who love animals? I don't get it. I think? you should write the protagonist's risk, for example: ... She must escapes from her animal cult family before her animals are trapped. (sorry for my english,Read more

    it sounds great a comedy about that, but the cult is a group of people who kill animals? or people who love animals? I don’t get it.
    I think? you should write the protagonist’s risk, for example: … She must escapes from her animal cult family before her animals are trapped.
    (sorry for my english, It is not very good)

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  2. Posted: April 24, 2018In: Comedy

    when his highschool bully returns, a stuck-in-home-town loser must prove his competence by kicking his ass in the duel he proposed and save his family name

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 25, 2018 at 11:39 pm

    Suggestion:? the inciting incident is the new girl in town whom he falls in love with.? So he has to stand up to the bully -- instead of run away -- if he's going to impress her. "Whatever a man does, he does for his ideal woman." -- George Balanchine fwiw

    Suggestion:? the inciting incident is the new girl in town whom he falls in love with.? So he has to stand up to the bully — instead of run away — if he’s going to impress her.

    “Whatever a man does, he does for his ideal woman.” — George Balanchine

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: April 21, 2018In: Comedy

    When his uncle and Stepfather want a new council building, the council lawyer to impress his Mafia uncle and take over his uncle?s mafia empire , introduces parking fines but he must deal with an irate customer and his computing hacking stepbrother who by interfering with his plans threatens to make him look incompetent.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 23, 2018 at 1:13 am

    >>>introduces parking fines but he must dealAs the municipal council lawyer, he can only recommend.? The majority of the council has to approve.And parking fines are small potatoes, pocket change? when compared to the money his uncle must be racking in by the regular rackets.? Even as a comRead more

    >>>introduces parking fines but he must deal

    As the municipal council lawyer, he can only recommend.? The majority of the council has to approve.

    And parking fines are small potatoes, pocket change? when compared to the money his uncle must be racking in by the regular rackets.? Even as a comedy, I fail to see how this is enough to impress his uncle,? tap him as his successor.

    And isn’t it an “irate citizen”? rather than “irate customer”?

    ?

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