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  1. Posted: July 18, 2018In: Comedy

    Discovering she was only hired to fill a quota, a family-oriented mother bands with other ?tokens? to prove her unappreciative boss wrong by winning a big contract for the firm.

    yoli Penpusher
    Added an answer on July 25, 2018 at 5:01 am

    Hello I'm new to this group. I like the premise and the log line, but I don't understand why the protagonist in a white woman. When I think of a token in a corporate work, a white woman is probably the last person that comes to mind, unless the company is finance, tech,? science or another? completeRead more

    Hello I’m new to this group. I like the premise and the log line, but I don’t understand why the protagonist in a white woman. When I think of a token in a corporate work, a white woman is probably the last person that comes to mind, unless the company is finance, tech,? science or another? completely male dominated field.? I think your script would work better with a high achieving Black, Latino? or Bi racial woman, maybe there is a white woman who works in another department who plays a role in helping her.
    Just a thought.

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  2. Posted: July 10, 2018In: Comedy

    When a YouTube video ridiculing his attempt to feed off a millennial makes him a laughing stock, an ageing vampire rallies his fellow ageing monsters to remember their roots and terrify the community until mankind dare not venture out after dark.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on July 10, 2018 at 5:09 pm

    "When he becomes a laughing stock on youtube; after being pranked by the millennials he was trying to feed on, an aging vampire rallies his brethren,? inserts?his dentures and goes to war with his soy eating, beta harassers."

    “When he becomes a laughing stock on youtube; after being pranked by the millennials he was trying to feed on, an aging vampire rallies his brethren,? inserts?his dentures and goes to war with his soy eating, beta harassers.”

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  3. Posted: July 4, 2018In: Comedy

    When his son demonstrates prodigious Connect 4 skills, a father who was always second-best reconnects with his hyper-competitive family to train the boy and regain the title he lost from their fierce rival family in the quadrennial competition

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on July 7, 2018 at 10:30 am

    Agreed with all the above comments. I'll add that the wording in the logline is confusing - the chain of events is vague. As you mention two families in the one sentence, it's not immediately clear which is which. Secondly, the use of so many adjectives reduces their individual values. Often when thRead more

    Agreed with all the above comments.

    I’ll add that the wording in the logline is confusing – the chain of events is vague.
    As you mention two families in the one sentence, it’s not immediately clear which is which. Secondly, the use of so many adjectives reduces their individual values. Often when the premise isn’t generating enough conflict or high enough stakes, the writer uses adjectives as a means to boost the impact of the individual components. And this logline has that very same problem.

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