1. Posted: July 26, 2019In:

    When an amateur trick theif is sentenced to 10 years in prison he is forced to hide in his twin brother?s estate where he is given the opportunity to exchange identity with his brother and must now cheat the locals, his brother?s wife and the police by behaving like a well educated landowner in order to maintain his relationship with his 8-year-old daughter.

    dpg Singularity

    As mikepedley 85 said, the logline is too long.? And it? juggles too balls.?And it buries what I think is the story hook:? a petty criminal passes himself off his as twin brother in order to avoid going to prison.Also, I suggest the setup needs reworking.? Unless a character has the big bucks to payRead more

    As mikepedley 85 said, the logline is too long.? And it? juggles too balls.?

    And it buries what I think is the story hook:? a petty criminal passes himself off his as twin brother in order to avoid going to prison.

    Also, I suggest the setup needs reworking.? Unless a character has the big bucks to pay for a lawyer to argue that his client needs some time arrange his business affairs, as soon as the judge pronounces sentence, a convicted person is remanded to custody and imprisonment — he goes directly to jail.? ?And there is no clue that this character, an amateur, has that kind of money or legal representation.? ?So there’s that.

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  2. Posted: July 25, 2019In:

    After being suspended from his team, a hockey player disguises himself as a woman and takes the figure skating world by storm, as a Tonya Harding-esque, tough-as-nails new female skater, and in the process, learns how to be a better man.

    Richiev Singularity

    Plus in response to dpg and mike: I don't see why he "Has" to switch to figure skating. If your lead is going pretend to be a woman, why not as a woman hokey player? After all, that is what your lead is trained in.

    Plus in response to dpg and mike: I don’t see why he “Has” to switch to figure skating. If your lead is going pretend to be a woman, why not as a woman hokey player? After all, that is what your lead is trained in.

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  3. Posted: July 17, 2019In:

    A bumptious young decorator inherits her uncle?s rental properties and must contend with city code enforcers while expanding her rental empire and becoming L.A.?s newest Slumlord.

    dpg Singularity

    For me, this logline raises an interesting question about framing.? Specifically, is there a difference between how a logline would frame the protagonist and how it would frame the objective goal?A logline frames, that is describes the protagonist, as the audience will see her, not as sees herself.?Read more

    For me, this logline raises an interesting question about framing.? Specifically, is there a difference between how a logline would frame the protagonist and how it would frame the objective goal?

    A logline frames, that is describes the protagonist, as the audience will see her, not as sees herself.? That is, in terms of her character flaw.? Which makes sense because the protagonist is initially in denial of? her flaw.? So it would be perfectly acceptable to define the protagonist in this logline as a slum lord.

    However, it seems to me that in a logline the objective goal should be framed in terms of how the protagonist sees the goal, not necessarily as the audience see it.? ?The objective goal should be framed in terms of what the protagonist intentionally seeks.

    In most cases, the audience would frame the objective goal in the same way . (Ripley’s objective goal to save Newt from the aliens.? That’s the way we, the audience, see it and we’re rooting for her to succeed.)? But there are exceptions; an audience may realize the protagonist is pursuing the wrong goal ( which is the case in this logline). Or the protagonist is pursuing the right goal for the wrong reasons.?

    To summarize, I am inclined to think that a logline should frame the protagonist as the audience sees her, but frame the objective goal as the protagonist sees it.

    So the question I have is:? does the protagonist see herself as a slum lord and her objective goal is to become intentionally an even more despicable one?? Is that what she knowingly, intentionally seeks? Or does she see herself as an ambitious, hard working entrepreneur providing a valuable and necessary product, one who is entitled to enjoy a fat profit margin because of the risks she’s taking and the hassles she has to endure dealing with petty, obstructionist bureaucrats?

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