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When a man seeking popularity is rejected by society by being forced into a cursed ghost costume, he must learn to live independently in order to remove it before he’s permanently trapped and forgotten.
Scott:I've been thinking about this exchange and want to clarify a point or two.I applaud your desire to come with a novel take on a familiar human problem.? There's nothing new under the sun about human nature, so what movie makers are looking for is a fresh perspective, a unique story angle.But thRead more
Scott:
I’ve been thinking about this exchange and want to clarify a point or two.
I applaud your desire to come with a novel take on a familiar human problem.? There’s nothing new under the sun about human nature, so what movie makers are looking for is a fresh perspective, a unique story angle.
But the story premise in a logline must not only be original, it must also be credible. It must not be confusing.? It must be easy to understand on the first reading.? (Because 99% of the time, a logline will only get one reading.? It has 10-12 seconds to grab attention, make complete sense, make someone want to read the script.)
That is an especially tall order for a logline set in an unfamiliar world (SciFi or Fantasy) with a different set of rules than the normal world.? Or that entails a story that requires some “movie magic” , a special circumstance that would never occur in the real world.? In the case of this logline, that seems to be the existence of a “ghost costume” in which a person can be imprisoned, invisible, isolated from human contact.
So yeah, this premise is caught in a double bind:? it’s different — but it’s confusing.? That’s how I read it, that’s the concern I have.?? It didn’t make sense to me on the 1st reading… nor the 2nd… nor the 3rd.
Just saying.? Others mileage may vary.
fwiw
See lessWhen an all-work-no-play high school valedictorian who has gotten into an A-list college discovers her party-animal peers also got into A-list colleges, she resolves to cram four years of fun into one night.
Wdcurry:Your mind is in the right zone to think of the sequel potential of a premise.? In writing loglines for plots that are already done deals, made movies, I am occasionally torn between? a version that reflects the way I wish the script could have/should have been written and the way it actuallyRead more
Wdcurry:
Your mind is in the right zone to think of the sequel potential of a premise.? In writing loglines for plots that are already done deals, made movies, I am occasionally torn between? a version that reflects the way I wish the script could have/should have been written and the way it actually was.
Your version leads with what? I consider to be the most important element in a logline, the story hook.? And then it follows up with the inciting incident.? The first thing I try to identify is the inciting incident and that usually becomes the lead in the logline.? Out of habit and because that is the common practice.? And? because many times the story hook is embedded in the inciting incident (When a shark starts attacking vacationers at a beach resort…).
But in this case, the story hook is what the protagonist does in response to the inciting incident.?? And that is what I should have led off with.? You did — two thumbs up.
See lessWhen criminals mistake him for one of their own during a botched drug deal he?s observing, a nervous novelist, researching his latest book, goes undercover for the police to bring a notorious crime lord to justice.
Suggest the police spurn his help.? So, on his own initiative, he collects enough evidence to catch and convict the bad guys on his own,? Oh, and concurrently collects the research he needs to write his book.?A two-fer OG?? Hmm.? Something to think about.Except that if he's trying to juggle a dual ORead more
Suggest the police spurn his help.? So, on his own initiative, he collects enough evidence to catch and convict the bad guys on his own,? Oh, and concurrently collects the research he needs to write his book.?
A two-fer OG?? Hmm.? Something to think about.
Except that if he’s trying to juggle a dual OG, then implicitly t must inevitably lead to a crisis, a dilemma where he can either get the bad guys or get the inside scoop for his book — but not both.
FWIW.
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