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A down-on-his-luck videographer breaks his estranged mother out of prison to steal the grand prize from a filthy rich YouTuber – a million-dollar Bitcoin.
Based on the input thus far, this is where I am now with the logline: A bankrupt cameraman breaks his estranged master thief mother out of prison to steal the grand prize from a filthy rich YouTuber ? a million-dollar Bitcoin. OR Should I change "master thief " to something completely ridiculous - lRead more
Based on the input thus far, this is where I am now with the logline:
A bankrupt cameraman breaks his estranged master thief mother out of prison to steal the grand prize from a filthy rich YouTuber ? a million-dollar Bitcoin.
OR
Should I change “master thief ” to something completely ridiculous – like pickpocketing? Breaking out mom because she has master thief skills to steal makes sense but not funny, him breaking out mom because she stole some wallets and he thinks that’s enough to pull this heist off is funny.
A bankrupt cameraman breaks his estranged pickpocketing mother out of prison to steal the grand prize from a filthy rich YouTuber ? a million-dollar Bitcoin.
Suggestions are welcome, I would love to get a laugh out of the logline.
See lessA group of women back from the dead get revenge against bullies who tormented them when they were in high school.
HI Tony.? What interests me about your logline was the Genre of comedy. when i read it i didnt get that feeling at all, and i think its quite a unique spin. so i would suggest to use language that eludes to it being a comedy. I.e "a nerdy" or "outcast group of dorks" something to give a visual imageRead more
HI Tony.? What interests me about your logline was the Genre of comedy. when i read it i didnt get that feeling at all, and i think its quite a unique spin. so i would suggest to use language that eludes to it being a comedy. I.e “a nerdy” or “outcast group of dorks” something to give a visual image of who these girls are as well as making it a bit cheeky and funny. id also ask yourself, whats at stake for these girls? what happens if they dont achieve what they want to do. either way – good stuff. keeping going with it mate!
See lessHounded by debt collectors, a brassy small-time hustler solves her money woes by becoming a debt collector herself.
As usual you make valid points. But... >>>"I?ll never understand why people insist on keeping their loglines weak by not starting with the protagonist and adding in commas for no reason." Well, not that anything I can say will make you "understand", but here goes: >>>Do you remembeRead more
As usual you make valid points.
But…
>>>”I?ll never understand why people insist on keeping their loglines weak by not starting with the protagonist and adding in commas for no reason.”
Well, not that anything I can say will make you “understand”, but here goes:
>>>Do you remember what Dwayne Johnson?s ?Skyscraper? was about? I don?t! Most of the people who went to see it had no idea what it was about! They just saw ads with The Rock blowing up shit and said yeah, I wanna see that!
That’s comparing apples to oranges. Loglines are targeted to a different market, to the people who makes movies, not to the people who watch them.
From what I’ve been able to glean from reading the industry hype, what hooked Dwayne Johnson, got him to attach to “Skyscraper” was the SITUATION. Because the situation gave him the opportunity to showcase himself in the role of (another) action hero. The situation sold the script — not the character.
What sold the movie at the box-office is another matter.
Again, loglines are pitched to movie makers, not movie viewers.
>>>though ideally the combination is what really sells the concept.
That’s my point. I think character versus conflict (plot) is a false dichotomy in determining what ought to determine the lead for a logline. It’s not a binary choice. A good logline needs both (obviously) but as to which you might lead with depends on the story — and the target market.
I don’t think that drawing in the character until the 5th word of an 18 word logline is a flaw that renders the logline DOA. If the character didn’t appear until, say, the 15th word of a 25 word logline– oh yes, that’s would be a fatal flaw.
I assume we can agree that what constitutes the story hook is ultimately subjective, in the mind of the reader. Some people (like yourself apparently) are more attracted to the characters. Okay, that’s you.
But I’m not you. As a matter of fact, what attracted me to this film was not the character — but the situation, the “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” aspect. And if I were a movie producer, that is what would attract me to the script.
Some movie makers are more inclined to get hooked on strong characters, some on strong conflicts. Different strokes.
>>>You say that sometimes the situation is more of a hook than the person dealing with it ? yes, sometimes. But rarely. We?re talking Jurassic Park level conflict here.
Only rarely? I beg to differ.
I say that not on the basis of my intuition nor because of my personal preference. I beg to differ based upon a systematic study of loglines for scripts that got sold (per the BlackList and other industry sources) and movies that got made. On an analysis of 965 loglines to date, to be precise.
I would post some graphics to illustrate my claim; however, the ability to post graphics on this site has been disabled. I refer you to an earlier graphic I was able to post in October 2016 (you’ll have scroll down the thread).
It is my study of loglines that led me long ago to conclude that the standard logline formulation featured on this site could use some, uh, rethinking.
At least on that point we seem to agree.
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