I like this and I think it’s very relevant. ?I agree with being more specific. ?The words “must learn” don’t really convey action. ?I find myself wondering things like does he take karate lessons alongside?his kid? ? It’s also a comedy, so I would punch it up and let us see the comedy playing out in our heads. ?If someone doesn’t know it’s a comedy, they should be able to get that from the logline and almost laugh or smile just from the premise. ?It makes me think of the premise for Liar Liar – the logline wouldn’t state that “a dad must learn not to lie”, instead it makes sure we know the dad is a lawyer who must go a full day without lying and that in itself makes us smile because it begins to play out in our heads.