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It’s all fun and games at the cemetery for a twenty something gravedigger clinging to his youth, until his ex-girlfriend’s Mafioso father plots revenge for disrespecting his “little princess.”
The first clause in the line can be deleted as it doesn't describe or help set up a plot, as the main character's age and the fact he enjoys his job are?irrelevant. The story starts when the mafia boss does something to him and therefore this should be the start of the logline. In addition there neeRead more
The first clause in the line can be deleted as it doesn’t describe or help set up a plot, as the main character’s age and the fact he enjoys his job are?irrelevant. The story starts when the mafia boss does something to him and therefore this should be the start of the logline.
In addition there needs to be a specific goal mentioned, otherwise there is no plot and currently the logline is missing a goal.
See less[Note: This logline is for a TV comedy pilot] “After being charged with a DUI, a jaded, irreverent young man is thrown into the arms of a caring and venerable community service program to help those struggling with their own broken lives.” Thoughts and suggestions are hugely appreciated,
Possible title Help!
Possible title
Help!
See lessIt’s all fun and games at the cemetery for a twenty something gravedigger clinging to his youth, until his ex-girlfriend’s father plots revenge for disrespecting his “little girl.”
The logline sets up a ?'grave' situation -- but, alas, not a plot. ?And the 'rave' threat is rather vague. ?What does the father intend to do? Kill the young man? ?If so, the plot should say so. A plot is not about a situation, but about what the main character must do about the situation. ?So, as aRead more
The logline sets up a ?’grave’ situation — but, alas, not a plot. ?And the ‘rave’ threat is rather vague. ?What does the father intend to do? Kill the young man? ?If so, the plot should say so.
A plot is not about a situation, but about what the main character must do about the situation. ?So, as a result of his ex’s father’s threat, what is the gravedigger going to do — what MUST he do? ?What are the stakes? (His life, his occupation, or…?)
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