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When a humiliated teen gets the ability to see the desires of anyone he touches, he gets a shot at outmaneuvering the girl who brought him down.
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See lessWhen a humiliated teen starts visualizing the true desires of any female he touches, he gets a chance to win the girl away from his Machiavellian rival.
Just a couple housekeeping things, I'm not sure if they've been mentioned or not, but: "the girl"? What girl? Why does he "want" her? And if his rival is "Machiavellian", doesn't your protagonist using his new power for his own gain make him the same thing? What separates them? I think this is similRead more
Just a couple housekeeping things, I’m not sure if they’ve been mentioned or not, but:
“the girl”? What girl? Why does he “want” her?
And if his rival is “Machiavellian”, doesn’t your protagonist using his new power for his own gain make him the same thing? What separates them? I think this is similar to the movie?Election?in that they are all morally grey but what makes them sympathetic and possibly borderline likable is that they struggle with their guilt throughout as it builds up throughout. If this isn’t what you were going for, then change the descriptions of your characters immediately.
See lessAfter losing everything to an emotionally sophisticated rival, the one-time ?king of high school? gets a chance to win it all back when he starts visualizing the desires of anyone he touches.
"Losing everything" -- what does that mean? ? What's at stake? "Emotionally sophisticated " -- what does that mean? ?And rather than characterize the antagonist, the logline would do better to characterize the protagonist. Why should we want to root for the ex-king to regain whatever he lost? How, sRead more
“Losing everything” — what does that mean? ? What’s at stake?
See less“Emotionally sophisticated ” — what does that mean? ?And rather than characterize the antagonist, the logline would do better to characterize the protagonist.
Why should we want to root for the ex-king to regain whatever he lost?
How, specifically, will this visualization enable him to climb back on top of the social heap?