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LAKSMHI SINGS THE BLUES – When a manic depressive New Yorker visiting India has an psychotic episode in Mumbai, she is involuntarily hospitalized in a lunatic asylum. Inside she meets an unlikely group who together battle their mental illnesses through the power of music and dance in this beautiful triumph of the human spirit story.
What is the goal? What is the MC trying to achieve? "...triumph of the human spirit..." is present in all stories to some degree, how specifically is this manifested in yours?
What is the goal?
What is the MC trying to achieve?
“…triumph of the human spirit…” is present in all stories to some degree, how specifically is this manifested in yours?
See lessTHE REAR NAKED CHOKE – After his older brother loses badly, the youngest son of a Brazilian Ju Jitsu legend must find a way to beat the undefeated champ of an underground tournament and restore the family’s honor. Problem is he’s a closet gay virgin dying for some dick, he’s got zero interest in fighting, and zero ability to hide his erection when “rolling” with his training partners.
I can't even start. You are beginning to abuse the generosity of the site. Loglines are brief, you are ignoring our feedback or not even reading it. This is not a serious attempt and therefore I will not help you until you show some respect for the reasons on the site.
I can’t even start. You are beginning to abuse the generosity of the site. Loglines are brief, you are ignoring our feedback or not even reading it.
This is not a serious attempt and therefore I will not help you until you show some respect for the reasons on the site.
See lessLOSING WAIT – After a weak willed fat woman’s fiance tells her she’s gotten too big and he heads for the hills, she enlists a personal trainer who’s actually an angel sent by God with one shot to help someone or he’s banished to hell.
Look at your other loglines we have reviewed. Look at the suggestions. You spend way to much on the setup and jump over the story. Your setup could be done over the opening credits. Then what is the movie? We can still leave in some of her emotional state. A lonely obese woman enlists a personal traRead more
Look at your other loglines we have reviewed. Look at the suggestions. You spend way to much on the setup and jump over the story. Your setup could be done over the opening credits. Then what is the movie? We can still leave in some of her emotional state.
A lonely obese woman enlists a personal trainer who is an angel needing to help someone to save himself from hell.
Not great, but straight to the point. Think of the reader. They will never be reading your logline in isolation. They be reading hundreds, either in a comp or looking for a script. A wordy logline is just annoying, it also hides the story. Pile all your muscle into the main story. Stand out for content not fluff.
PS a setup is fluff.
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