Poromaa

20 points

280 points to Logliner

11 loglines
20 reviews

Loglines

An engineer of peace have to lead war against the machines when the established, human safe heaven on mars gets threatened by the past.

October 9, 2017
When a Craigslist-swinging-meetup goes bad and the voyeruist find herself trapped with a serial killer, she must out-clever the killer before times-up as gagged-bate for the killer?s next victim.

February 5, 2015
When a virtuous father sexually connect with his son?s voyeuristic girlfriend, a sinful desire will put his beloved family and loving wife on stake, for discovering of submissive sex.

February 5, 2015
After a devastating solar storm, a gold reserve manager and his family must escape the city and collapse of society, unknowingly hunted by a ruthless clan-leader looking for gold.

November 21, 2013
When a colonisation crew of four escaping a threatened earth, awakens by ship failure, a useless artist must save the mission and mankind from a captain, incorrectly believing one of them isn?t human.

February 27, 2013
Days before the asteroid impact, a state lottery winner of a ticket to the survivor space station N.O.H.A gets haunted by a corrupted government agent trying to steal a seat for his beloved sister

February 2, 2013
To provide for his disabled brother, a debt-coated dealer accepts a highly secretive job for a world famous chef, as purveyor of an illegal, secret ingredient.

January 17, 2013
When a farmer's son predicts a German attack on his home town, he has to either fight beside his proud father or follow his beloved sister's wish to run away.

December 19, 2012
When a heartbroken man gets a number to long lost love, his brother steps in to stop him from facing a truth that would devastate him forever.

November 25, 2012
When a ruthless bank robber finds a gate to a parallel universe, any crime seems possible to escape, until the other self gets to take the blame.

October 16, 2012
A researcher takes the stand for humanity, when the creation of artificial intelligence puts the human race into challenge

July 15, 2012

Recent reviews

on When a virtuous father sexually connect with his son?s voyeuristic girlfriend, a sinful desire will put his beloved family and loving wife on stake, for discovering of submissive sex.

Thanks for the feedback! I need a stronger goal!
on When a Craigslist-swinging-meetup goes bad and the voyeruist find herself trapped with a serial killer, she must out-clever the killer before times-up as gagged-bate for the killer?s next victim.

Thanks all for the feedback!
on When a Craigslist-swinging-meetup goes bad and the voyeruist find herself trapped with a serial killer, she must out-clever the killer before times-up as gagged-bate for the killer?s next victim.

Ah, I totally see how the swingers date looks unimportant and how the protagonist looks helpless. another try: When a Craigslist-swinging-meetup goes bad and the voyeruist find herself trapped with a serial killer, she must out-clever the killer before her…
on When slobby Jim and well-groomed Leo move into student housing together, their initial personality clash evolves into an unlikely friendship as they share the triumphs and humiliations of life in Sydney.

Knowing nothing about your series, I really think it will be easier to find conflict if you introduce some sort of antagonist element. Like for example: a notorious principal who tries to expel one of the characters because of some…
on When slobby Jim and well-groomed Leo move into student housing together, their initial personality clash evolves into an unlikely friendship as they share the triumphs and humiliations of life in Sydney.

Your logline seems to be missing an antagonist or is one of the characters the real protagonist? Also you may consider to skip the names of the characters, since that does not give us any extra information. Then, what is…
on A group of Marines, embedded in South Asia, embark on patrol of a remote island in search of drug runners. What they end up finding is something much more deadly and demonic than they could ever imagine.

Even though I find the logline interesting, technically it is missing a clear antagonist. If the story would to be set in e.g. Mexico, the island could be a sacred place for indians. In that case the antagonist could be…
on After a devastating solar storm, a gold reserve manager and his family must escape the city and collapse of society, unknowingly hunted by a ruthless clan-leader looking for gold.

As a former banker I know you're right, but I was more thinking of a "gold reserve manager" (or someone knowing exactly where the hidden reserve is). I thought that could be something unfolding later when the clan leader catches…
on Secretly responsible for his best friends fatal fall, a selfish alcoholic, on the verge of relapse, must return to his hometown to help save his dead friends wife from her own self-destruction, or forever be imprisoned by his tormenting thoughts.

This could be a good story! I believe its a bit to long though (not the story, but the logline :). You have 40 words. Try to cut it down to 25-30 words. Is it possible to find an Antagonist…
on When his pregnant wife is murdered, a grieving husband must kill the man responsible before joining her in the afterlife.

Like mmckean says this logline lacks something. Nothing is at risk here since he will die even if he tries or not. Also he won't get her back revenging the murder? Not knowing your story I could come up with…
on After waking up human, the former Angel of Darkness recruits a supernatural team to steal Pandora's Box from Lucifer.

I would add something about "why" Angel of darkness needs the box. I guess he/she want power? If you add an "must" or "need" in the logline you could express the importance of why the Angel needs to form a…
on When a colonisation crew of four escaping a threatened earth, awakens by ship failure, a useless artist must save the mission and mankind from a captain, incorrectly believing one of them isn?t human.

Thanks for your feedback. I thought that the 10 first pages should explain how the thinking machine gets created, and how it enlighten the humans - giving sight to the blind and ears to the deaf, but at the cost…
on When a colonisation crew of four escaping a threatened earth, awakens by ship failure, a useless artist must save the mission and mankind from a captain, incorrectly believing one of them isn?t human.

And since the logline is a tool to find the real story I will consider making it simpler. As you say the ship-failure is not really important, but its just an excuse to get them together in the middle of…
on When a colonisation crew of four escaping a threatened earth, awakens by ship failure, a useless artist must save the mission and mankind from a captain, incorrectly believing one of them isn?t human.

Thanks for the input! Sometimes when you write an outline of a plot its hard to see what's important and what's not. The reason for this ship is actually to save the human race from hybridisation by the machines. Therefore…
on When his ball busting ex-wife?s abrupt advice becomes a sensation, a beleaguered radio producer must swallow pride and mend fences before his stations ratings plummet back to the cellar.

To me it sounds like this story is about a complicated relationship of the radio producer and his ex. Maybe you don't need to tell so much about the exact circumstances? When a radio producer on the edge of loosing…
on To provide for his disabled brother, a debt-coated dealer accepts a highly secretive job for a world famous chef, as purveyor of an illegal, secret ingredient.

Thanks! Wanted to reduce the words, and tried to translate the logline from my language. Maybe this: To provide for his disabled brother, a debt ridden drug dealer accepts a highly secretive job for a world famous chef, as purveyor…
on A poor Occupy Wall Street protester finds a coin that predicts stock prices, becomes rich, and uses his new fortune to take on the fat cat banker tormenting him.

Like this one.
on An Animal Psychologist fakes a coma to honor his departed wife's final request of bringing their estranged kids home for Christmas.

Great logline. I like the premise of the story! Did the wife die or did she just run away? If she died, I would try to end the logline with that fact in order to make it more dramatic. Something…
on An erotic tale of a bright, young and Musically-gifted African-American woman who grows up in the 1970s, jaded by her abusive childhood. During her attempt at rock and roll stardom, she is distracted by a tragic discovery: she may have become her violent father.

I believe its way over 30 words. Not sure thats a rigid rule, but it certainly makes it easier to grasp. Some of the information might not be necessary for the logline. I know, this suck, but you get the…
on When a ruthless bank robber finds a gate to a parallel universe, any crime seems possible to escape, until the other self gets to take the blame.

Without changing (or revealing) too much of the story I changed it a bit. When a ruthless criminal finds a gate to a parallel universe, any crime may be escaped, until the other self follows with a deadly revenge I…
on A tragic event leads Meena to dwell into her relationship with her maid Radha.

I think you need to reveal something more that makes us more interesting in the conflict. An example would to tell more (i don't know) like: A tragic event leads Meena to cross conventional hierarchies and social structures... etc.