Blue Parrot

Recent reviews

• on sdfsndfdfklsjfkldsjfkldsj

  You do state her goal is to achieve fame, but that seems so unrelated to the inciting incident that I didn't connect the two.

• on sdfsndfdfklsjfkldsjfkldsj

  From my reading of the logline, it sounds like a documentary, not a feature film, because the hero has no dramatic goal we can see her trying to achieve and the obstacles that would keep her from reaching it.

• on A washed up celebrity in a bitter custody battle with his scheming ex-wife, is knocked unconscious by a plane crash and awakens believing he is a super hero from one his films.

  Thanks for the feedback everyone. Very helpful.

• on A disillusioned nuclear missile silo officer, yearning for job satisfaction, gets more than he bargained for when Earth is occupied by alien invaders and saving mankind means destroying Washington DC.

  btw- Congrats Nir on your World Series of Screenwriting award for your short script. Saw your name there while I was celebrating mine :-) (Phil)

• on When an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.

  I also think you don't need "so her family can get the insurance money" in the logline. That is not essential to the dramatics of the story. She is faking her death so she can escape death, that is reason…

• on A disillusioned nuclear missile silo officer, yearning for job satisfaction, gets more than he bargained for when Earth is occupied by alien invaders and saving mankind means destroying Washington DC.

  dpg- wow you went to technical town there may man lol. I do appreciate you taking the time though (you too Nir, cheers!) To respond a little ... This is aiming to be a high concept logline so I'm not…

• on After being a turned into a djinn by an evil wizard, a young trickster must hunt the man down after being trapped for a thousand years and get him to reverse the curse before his new master uses his three wishes to take control of the world.

  Perhaps you need to make some kind of obstacle clearer in the logline e.g. - the young trickster has been turned into a genie, but his wishes grant the opposite of what is wished for and the genie can't warn…

• on After the legalization of marijuana leads to a dishonest pot-dealer receiving a huge tax bill, the de-motivated must become motivated before he can lead a one man crusade against a clean-cut district attorney to have the drug 're-criminalized'. (Am VERY interested in hearing some alternate titles for this. The punnier the better!)

  Others have misconstrued what I was aiming for but I think you get it Nic, yeah? Of course there are all kinds of outrageous concepts in film and tv, but every world you build has to have its own rules…

• on When a stubborn, reclusive young man gets separated from his family during a jungle trek, he must learn to adapt and survive if he is going to rescue his parents from a separatist rebel holding them hostage.

  What was not in that logline is a relationship the boy has with his mentor. I'm interested in a coming-of-age story in an extreme circumstance with a boy who is a real fish out of water. For example: When his…

• on When a troubled young man on community service discovers that a teacher isn't all she seems to be, he needs to stop her malicious plans before she gets a hold on the man he loves.

  Yes, these descriptions are quite vague "isn't all she seems to be" "stop her malicious plans" "gets a hold on" I disagree with the others re 'community service' -- I think this can be the hero's ordinary world in the…

• on After the legalization of marijuana leads to a dishonest pot-dealer receiving a huge tax bill, the de-motivated must become motivated before he can lead a one man crusade against a clean-cut district attorney to have the drug 're-criminalized'. (Am VERY interested in hearing some alternate titles for this. The punnier the better!)

  I think this idea has legs for sure but one key thing that dpg kinda brought up- believability. How can you convince the audience that this guy could actually succeed in his efforts to re-criminalize pot? He would have to…

• on When an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.

  I'm having a problem with mentioning 'out of work' and 'hire' in the same sentence, It begs a question...

• on A Harlem orphan must face the federal Government and the world's largest corporations after he mysteriously wakes up on his 18th birthday with $458 Billion to his name.

  I think the angle you need to take on this is like one you would take if your story was "a kid wakes from a coma to find out he won nearly a billion dollars in a lottery..... what does…

• on While seeking inspiration for his writing, a high school senior gets caught up in the unorthodox sabotage of a rival school's prom, set in motion by a Prep, a Drugee, a playboy, and a billionaire's son.

  There is possibility here but you need to up the stakes and clarify the goals. Think of the original 'Wall Street' for structure guidance. An ambitious but naive college journalist seeking his first breakthrough story gets promised the story of…

• on "When Paul, a lonely high school student, starts seeing his negative emotions manifest in the form of people he will have to confront the greatest enemy of all: himself."

  Interesting. I think we all do this in varying degrees in our own lives which is why it could connect to people.As you have it worded though it might be a bit too existential. I've heard that execs are not…

• on Ben George is a shy freshman kid who's father works for NASA to support himself after his wife dies so Ben meets up with two juniors who bond with him and also help him work out his relationship with his father.

  Your logline paints a strange picture of the dad. He 'took a job to support himself after his wife dies? So his wife was rich and he didn't have to work before she died? Ok, that could happen. But the…

• on An ailing country town convinces Kevin Costner to sing at the close of their rodeo. When an accident happens, Kevin thinks he is the 'Bodyguard'. Policeman WIlliam William an Indigenous man, worn down, angry and hungry for a transfer has to 'watch him' and find a cure before the end of the day. (PS would use a lookalike Kevin Costner)

  I agree with Jeff- a confusing logline. Simplify. Also, you have two good guys in your logline, albeit one who is delusional. You need an antagonist who threatens what the good guy wants. Remember the general formula/ elements for a…

• on After the death of his father, a young boy finds comfort in stories of the "wild west" while living in New York City, 1938.

  This hints at an interesting story but the logline is incomplete. What is the challenge that the boy faces? i.e. what does he want? what's stopping him from getting it? and what will happen if he doesn't get it?

• on When a cop determines that the ends justifies the means in keeping the streets safe he falls from grace and finds himself on the wrong side of the law running for his life.

  I agree- the inciting incident, the goal, the antagonist and the stakes. Essential ingredients. If it is high concept enough to grab us you don't need to describe the inner journey with reference to flaws in the hero and bad…

• on It was love at first sight for two outgoing romantics. Years later, a chance encounter while on family vacations forces the unrequited soul mates to face the same decision: Continue their comfortable but unfulfilling lives or risk everything for a chance at complete happiness?

  First note- when you do a revision of your logline, you should post it as a 'reply' to your original logline rather than posting multiple new versions of it. Just fyi. Second- Your logline reminded me of a descrption I…