nbuckley

28 points

272 points to Logliner

Loglines

on Dangerous and heart-wrenching things an elderly Charlie does because of his own Alzheimer’s and bad childhood memories.

This is a cool idea for a short film, but in your logline I feel like you give the entire surprise away. The logline should leave the reader to ask "I wonder what will happen?" I wonder if you might…
on In a semi-medieval city, an abused blind orphan boy with magical powers must stop a megalomeniac businessman before he obliterates his kingdom and his people.

Hi Benneth, I can see that you've tried out a few different ways of wording this idea. I think fantasy adventures are always fun and this seems like it may be a hybrid of sorts, but it needs some clarification.…
on A mysterious Dark Planet, a troubled Test Pilot lost at the far side of the Galaxy overcoming the vast obstacles to find his way home to his beloved daughter and wife.

While mysterious, dark planet is engaging to the imagination as an image, I would guess that the planet is not your main character. As Neer said, your two ideas there are not connected well enough at the moment, but also…
on When a washed up plumber gets abducted by an automated alien spaceship, he must use his particular set of skills to save himself and the planet. (FOR MEETUP)

Hey Paul, I actually like the "washed up" description. It's a set of words that relates back to what a plumber does (washing drains out, working with water) but it also implies the downtrodden aspect that you were going for…