Lemmy Caution

61 points

239 points to Logliner

6 loglines
27 reviews

Loglines

Released from jail after 24 years, obsessed with reclaiming his fortune, a man must play a deadly game, devised by his dead wife, that leads him through the nine circles of hell.

September 12, 2016
When a solitary 11 year old 3D prints himself, he must defend his ?twin? against a dodgy businessman who will go to any lengths to get his hands on the clone, including kidnap, blackmail and murder.

May 25, 2016
When an 11 year old accidentally clones himself, he is swept up in an audacious plot to kidnap world leaders and must use all his ingenuity to save his father, his friends, his unexpected twin and the world.

May 24, 2016
After terrorists import germ warfare samples, a refugee scientist must face the nightmare of retrieving the antidote from Syria before it can be manufactured and released.

June 20, 2015
When a deadly soil-borne virus is released in Canberra, an obsessed scientist battles military and political forces to save the city from pre-emptive destruction.

June 18, 2015
When a woman is imprisoned by a crazed vivisectionist, she must win the trust of the hybrids in order to escape and save her friends.

June 17, 2015

Recent reviews

on Mistaken as Earth’s leader, due to his popularity on social media, a washed up actor is abducted by aliens to help prove humanity is worth saving from imminent destruction.

(Sorry I had a crash before I could finish.) The premise has great comic potential, though I'd avoid the Douglas Adams parallel. However a court battle is not going to hold attention for 90 mins - the court case sounds…
on Mistaken as Earth’s leader, due to his popularity on social media, a washed up actor is abducted by aliens to help prove humanity is worth saving from imminent destruction.

Is his name Arthur Dent? Sounds an awful lot like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
on With only 24 hours before her life support machine is switched off, a coma patient is given a second chance when she is recruited by an organisation that operates within the human subconscious to help stop a terror group that controls people via their dreams.

"A bitter coma patient"? How can he express emotions when he's in a coma? "A unique undercover agency"? I think it's back to the dictionary for you!
on When a university student returns native sacred objects to a rural town he awakens an old Celtic curse. He must confront the curse to save the town and himself.

Where is this rural town - in Cornwall-Devon where Celtic curses mingle incestuously with Arthurian legend? Hammer used this plot several times I recall. It needs a modern touch.
on When a depressed office worker learns that his estranged, Chinese mob-boss father has been murdered, he must return home to avenge him!!

This is a thin plot that reminds me of those Jacky Chan chop-socky movies that Shaw Brothers churned out every week in the 1960s. Does he need to be Chinese? As Nir Shelter says, it needs an antagonist and some…
on When a mortally wounded astronaut crashes into an isolated road-diner, the young waitress must protect herself and her customers from the oncoming alien threat!!

If the astronaut is mortally wounded, presumably he dies before he tells the waitress about the threat (the inciting incident) .We need an inkling of the nature of this threat to the diners. Do the aliens take over their bodies,…
on After terrorists import germ warfare samples, a refugee scientist must face the nightmare of retrieving the antidote from Syria before it can be manufactured and released.

The elements are: he worked in the lab where the virus was made, so knows where the antidote is; he fled the country, becoming separated from his family; he ended up in Australia, traumatised but grateful; he offers to go…
on When a misfit discovers that she, and the rest of humanity, are just a computer simulation, she must team with a rebellious AI to prevent the simulators shutting down the virtual world in an attempt to stop humanity from being reborn.

"Dispassionate"? Back to the dictionary! Do you mean "disillusioned"? Or, if she is the only one who knows, maybe "mutated" would be better. If she's a "Sim", how can she be part of "humanity"? Presumably it was humanity who created…
on After terrorists import germ warfare samples, a refugee scientist must face the nightmare of retrieving the antidote from Syria before it can be manufactured and released.

A common problem with writing loglines is getting hung up on "essential" plot points. It's great that someone else can see through the deadwood and turn it on its head. So thanks, Richiev and Logline It!, your suggestions provide me…
on After terrorists import germ warfare samples, a refugee scientist must face the nightmare of retrieving the antidote from Syria before it can be manufactured and released.

Thanks for the feedback. An important issue is the scientist's past - a murdered family in Syria - this is the nightmare he must confront. I'll keep struggling to fit it into 25 words.
on When a woman is imprisoned by a crazed vivisectionist, she must win the trust of the hybrids in order to escape and save her friends.

A great improvement on the original, thank you. Not really the plot I had in mind, but lots of possibilities. I may have to give you a credit...
on When robots run amuck in an historical theme park, a shy Chinese boy must battle robotic Australian icons to save the lives of his classmates.

I speak as someone who has worked in Chinese cinema - shy boys don't sell. My point was: why a Chinese boy in the first place? (See FFF's comments below). It seems like racial stereotyping - I'd drop it and…
on When an American bushwalker falls into an unexplored gorge, he must help his three companions escape a ravenous arachnid humanoid to survive.

Then the "action" is resolving the internecine conflict and should take pride of place in the logline. The Spider is just the catalyst. I repeat my suggestion about Deliverance.
on In the summer of '65, four friends make a mad dash to Vegas to get married before midnight to avoid facing the Vietnam draft.

I'm so old I remember that marriage was no excuse where the draft was concerned.
on When robots run amuck in an historical theme park, a shy Chinese boy must battle robotic Australian icons to save the lives of his classmates.

No hope of a Chinese release then.
on A fake hitman working for the police becomes the real thing when, learning that his actions have inadvertently taken the life of a young child, he teams up with the child's mother to take down a notorious criminal boss who has evaded justice.

Too much front-loading. Try this: When an undercover cop accidentally kills a child, he teams up with the child's mother to pursue and execute the criminal boss responsible for the cock-up.
on When robots run amuck in an historical theme park, a shy Chinese boy must battle robotic Australian icons to save the lives of his classmates.

Are you hoping for a Chinese release? If so, I wouldn't make the boy "shy", rather he should be proficient in martial arts.
on When an American bushwalker falls into an unexplored gorge, he must help his three companions escape a ravenous arachnid humanoid to survive.

I wonder why he must be American. And presumably his three companions also fall into the gorge. Given 20 mins to the set-up, 70 mins seems a bit long to fill with a spider chase. Have a look at Deliverance…
on After a series of volcanic explosions and earthquakes unleashes the 'Shaadowars', a race of monsters born from the depths of the world. The human race who inhabits the world has waged a brutal war for survival. An Australian Knight unsuspectingly teams up with a young Aboriginal boy who has the key to ending the devastating war and drag the world back from darkness.

A few logical issues to begin with: the only current Australian Knights are Prince Philip and Peter Cosgrove, or maybe you are proposing a future or alternative reality, if so tell us. "Unsuspectingly" seems a strange adjective, unless the Aboriginal…
on When the grandmaster of all gangs is killed, The Warriors are labeled as the culprits, now with every gang in the city after them they must battle the streets to clear their name and reach home turf of Coney Island.

I'm not sure what/who the "grandmaster of all gangs" is (grandmasters play chess). Do you have a Main Character? "The Warriors" is vague and amorphous. How important is Coney Island and why there? It's all a bit generic.