JoshyPato

76 points

224 points to Logliner

Loglines

on When an elder crime boss sits down with a younger crime boss, at a poker game, he must carefully find a way to avoid a gang war and keep everyone at the game calm.

I'd replace the word 'elder' with 'older' or possibly 'aging'. Also feel the event could be stronger. A good start though.
on When she arrives at a trading post, her missing husband makes her very popular with the local marshalls

The character, event and action are all very unclear in this logline. Referring to the character ?is vague, a clearer definition of the character is needed. ?Arriving at a trading post? is a weak event and not enough to carry…