Jay_Bird

Recent reviews

• on A career driven wife unwittingly convinces her husband to join her in a tiny trailer cross country adventure, with the secret hopes of avoiding her disastrous financial missteps and saving their delicate marriage.

  Thank you Karel! This gives me a new perspective and a better base line to work with. I appreciate it!

• on All prophets organize in Vedic woods when three missing children’s time travel with the legendary Buddha unfolds a tragic battlefield where the devil imprisoned God for ages. Buddha enters the battleground to liberate God, but evil surrenders even before the combat begin.

  This is a really interesting concept! But it's hard to follow who the main character is and what their goal is. Is it being told by the perspective of the prophets? The children? Buddha? God? Try deciding who the main…

• on A researcher discovers a group of young children who have a collective consciousness, but no one believes him, even when he learns of the children’s plan to rid the world of all those outside their group mind.

  I agree with Mike. It's potentially a very cool movie but we need to know not just what's at stake (children ridding the world of everyone who's not with them) but WHO the protagonist is and WHAT they are going…

• on Still stuck in their rebellious college phase, a mid 30’s guy and girl best friends are forced to finally enter adulthood when the guy’s short term girlfriend becomes unexpectedly pregnant.

  This was very helpful! Thank you! I was especially struggling with a shorter way to say "male and female best friends" and co-ed is perfect. Thank you!

• on A bipolar mayoress must confront her own fears and demons to prove her innocence when the body of the mayor turns up dead along a baron riverbank with her fingerprints on the murder weapon.

  I personally LOVE films that make you question the protagonists sanity so this sounds great! I think you could remove "body of the mayor turns up dead along a baron shore" it's redundant and the specifics of the scenery aren't…

• on An ex-junky survives a plane crash before losing his company to the FEDS, but to stop the tailspin, he’ll sacrifice his life for his family’s future.

  The events leading up to the catalyst are super interesting but the Goal/Action is very vague. What does "sacrifice his life" mean? Is he taking on the federal government to get his company back? Is he joining the mafia to…

• on An entitled alien prince teams up with a ditzy teenage girl to help him must travel back in time to alter future events in order to save his planet.

  Fun idea! I'd love to see descriptions of the protagonists, especially if they are an unlikely pair who are forced together because of circumstances out of their control. For example: An exuberantly loyal alien prince and a sullen, despondent teenage…

• on A reckless fourteen-year-old aeronaut plans on breaking out his orphan keeper from a foreign prison using a magic hot air balloon.

  This is a really intriguing idea! The term "his orphan keeper" is confusing. It's not a term really used in English so can you clarify who this character is and what their relationship to the protagonist is? Is the orphan…

• on In a world where humans and supernatural beings coexist, it’s up to the skilled, fun-loving agents of the Paranormal Police Department to deal with the various paranormal perpetrators who break the law.

  I love this idea! In addition to Odie's advice I would add some "silly" adjective to describing the perpetrators as well. Otherwise it's hard to tell if it's a comedy or actually a dark show and the "fun-loving" adjective is…