EdgeWriter

Recent reviews

• on In a future where criminals are punished with instant aging, when a young ex-convict -turned 70- learns about a place where his youth can be restored, he has a week to find it before the process becomes irreversible.

  I love the story concept, it has an ironic hook and it's clear to see the character's goal and what's at stake if he fails. Not sure how it would play on screen though, as you don't see many action…

• on It's February 1930, just months after Black Tuesday. In light of their financial woes, a small-town mortician and his arrogant wife start murdering the rich to keep their beloved funeral home afloat.

  "To save their beloved funeral home during the 1930?s depression, a small-town mortician and his arrogant wife start murdering rich people." Still doesn't contain all the ingredients of a good logline, but I think it's a decent starting point for…

• on After an explosion, a marine wakes up in a place with other people from different times, his mission is to lead the group to recover artifacts spread in different times in history and avoid an alien invasion in the future.

  After an explosion, a marine wakes up in a place with other people from different times, his mission is to lead the group to recover artifacts spread in different times in history and avoid an alien invasion in the future.…

• on in order to love his wife, a man must have affairs.

  I'm not really fussed that you haven't capitalised the first word in your sentence - it's not really important at this stage of your logline's development - but I am fussed that your logline is not a logline. "in order…

• on After the death of her best friend, a teenage girl begins to notice and investigate strange inconsistencies in reality, attracting the attention of a dangerous organization.

  "After the death of her best friend, a teenage girl must battle a dangerous organization that wants to wipe her memory when notices strange inconsistencies in reality." ...or... "When the death of her best friend causes a teenage girl to…

• on After a lifetime of putting up with her beautiful but vain twin sister, Maddy finds a way to pay her back in doses.

  Richiev is correct, but I would add that the second sentence clause is far too vague; what does "pay her back in spades" actually mean? Not only is it vague, it's also a cliche. The logline should contain specific actions…

• on When an illegal immigrant unknowingly films the murder of the star witness in a high profile drug case, he struggles to survive the drug ring who will do anything to keep him silent while under the care of a racist detective.

  What's the significance of the protag being an illegal immigrant? At the moment this characteristic is having no effect on the story as he's 'under the care of a racist detective". If he's illegal then he would fear going to…

• on When a stern principal asks a new teacher to look over a specific child the new teacher finds herself in the middle of a family breakdown.

  Being specific in a logline is the name of the game. Therefore, what does 'look over' actually mean? What's the teacher's goal? To protect the child from a violent father and/or mother? We need to know what it is the…

• on RE WRITE Prisoners escaping a galactic penal colonel make an emergency landing only to find themselves trapped,having to outwit a psychopathic,shape shifting android intent on re-enacting the twisted deaths from old horror movies.

  "a psychopathic,shape shifting android intent on re-enacting the twisted deaths from old horror movies" screams 'seen it all before' to me (Terminator 2 anyone?), unless you're bringing something new to the table and it's not just a pastiche of what's…

• on you

  Ignore my double post; forgot to log in the first time D'oh ;-)

• on you

  Thanks for the response, Richiev. This is a futuristic story. It begins in 2025 and the main characters, a husband and wife astronaut team, are soon thrust a few hundred years into the future where the government of that time…

• on you

  Yeah, I can see that it would work great as a comedy, but other than writing characters for comic relief in more serious fiction, I've never attempted a full-on comedy genre piece.

• on you

  Hi dpg I've not really fully fleshed it out yet, but my starting point is his repression. His catharsis is to write out all the bad urges and ideas he has in his novels (I'm sure many writers will empathise…

• on you

  Logline update: "To stop the government of a future world terminating his wife?s illegal pregnancy, a time-travelling astronaut agrees to capture the world?s most wanted terrorist, who turns out to be the unborn son his wife is carrying."

• on you

  Thanks dpg. I liked the idea of reversing it, and also turning the whole 'hero dies and brings back a malevolent spirit from the other side' thing on its head. The main character is haunted by a spirit that he…

• on A sexy movie producer returns home for work and is confronted with the reality of what he left behind.

  From your explanation above, I can't see any real drama other than two guys having a great night on the town whilst sorting their relationships with current and ex-girlfriends. Just a normal night on the town for most people. There's…

• on The host of a wildly successful all-star television variety show finds himself trapped in a virtual world full of limitations and hardships… OUR world.

  So what'sthe host's problem? Is that Our World exists in a different dimension to 'a wildly successful all-star television variety show'? What I'm getting at is that your logline should clearly state the protagonist's problem, the goal he needs to…

• on A daughter and her father struggle to survive after the end of the world when a war ravaged the landscape 3 years earlier. They live their lives in the wilderness avoiding the city and all contact with people who have become vicious cannibals. When the father becomes ill the daughter must travel alone into the city but what awaits her is even more shocking than she could ever have imagined

  A teenage girl who has never seen the outside world must venture out into a post apocalyptic country to find the cure for her dying father's illness.

• on A former Marines first day at Walmart is turned upside down when eco-terrorist capture the store and take his sister hostage.

  I like how this logline has been worked - a former marine with PTSD who has to go back into action - great internal conflict, good stuff.

• on you

  Thanks dpg. The protagonist's journey is obviously my main interest, too. First draft's done, but I have a lot of rewriting to do ;-)